insomnia induced rant (part 2/n)!

I really did want at least one post to not be marveling at the horrors that 2020 is unleashing on us. A friend texted me after a while the other day (not sure about measures of time anymore since I can't even be trusted to know which day of the week it is), and I suddenly remembered that he was stricken by an additional calamity, and honestly excused myself saying I can't keep track of what fresh horror is hitting whom anymore, its a miracle that we haven't exploded into dust, thanks to 2020. 

Well, you could chalk this post to yet another response to a brand new variation of a time-honored tradition. Once I took a break from playing ludo/scrolling through memes/crying and laughing at the same time about how my work shoes miss me, I was privy to a few unsavory memes about including a mongoose alongside someone's daughter's dowry and attempted to find out what that was all about. Well, I sure wish I hadn't. A guy killed his wife by exposing her to snake bites twice. This because she refused to give in to the demands of more dowry, I am led to believe. I am going to refrain from commenting because my heart and head will explode from the effort. I hope her parents find a way to come to terms with life. 

Discovering this event led to me reading a lot of comments that frankly made me want to throw up, but also brought back a million conversations I've had with imposing uncles and aunties, and the spectacular double standards with which some of us are treated. This might also have been triggered by the 'kulasthree' videos originating from the abomination called 'annie's kitchen'. 

Marriage is a sacred custom, a sacred space, a sacred tradition, a bond, a promise, a lifelong commitment, a companion, and everything. Agreed. In my very honest opinion, though, we as a society, put too much faith in the goodness of human beings, for marriages to truly be what it is expected to be. Like democracy, and communism. All the most wonderful concepts, but places too much faith in human beings. 

I am not about to get into just how much we know personally people mess up, when it comes to remaining faithful. Just how blurry the lines get, with circumstances and time, how 'forgiveness' becomes a very important concept, or how people remain tied up due to societal pressure, or for their kids, or because its an expensive affair, or because they've spent a good part of their lives with them, or because the love is still there or because staying in the marriage is easier, or because we do really need a companion to get through life, or just because.

I am not here to question anybody's decision to get married or stay in a marriage. I'm here to ask a few questions of those who make interesting assumptions about me when I refuse to get married. 

I have values and traditions that I hold closer than life, and will never break. The lack of faith I have in myself, makes me stray away from situations that might make me abandon these values, I hold them so close, I don't want to test my resolve. 

Lying in a relationship, cheating in a relationship, holding onto a person when the emotion runs out, making sacrifices and compromises I will later return to blame the person for, misandry, toxic anything, and pretending about a million things that stop me from being who I am, and from them being who they are - all things I won't accept. Don't @ me with when in love or you've to learn to adjust. I adjust, and I understand love. Hell I am still trying to convince my friend that in the Cartesian plane of emotions, love falls on the upper right quadrant. I also know that when the honeymoon phase is done,  I'll get bitch slapped by life. Before you run at me with you won't know unless you experience it, or there's nothing like having a companion, think about what I am saying. I wouldn't stick my neck out for marriage, because I don't want to be the one hurting the other person, I don't want to take something lovely, and slowly watch it turn ugly or run-of-the-mill. I don't want to lie or cheat or hide or not take a job in a far-off continent and watch them deal with the debris of our relationship. 

Now, for all those of you who have very colorful thoughts about my relationships, and, shall we say dalliances?, once you understand where I come from, even if you don't agree with me, I hope you'll understand that this means that I hold all those values you incorporate into marriage closer than you think I do. That I respect the people in the institution, their attempt at going through life, their success at it, and everything about it, more than most people. Not wanting to get married, doesn't take away a particular category of morality away from me. It doesn't mean that I don't respect families, or that family doesn't mean squat to me. I don't think this union should be a rite of passage. I won't do it because I'm expected to. And then stay in it because I'm expected to. I won't let you subject me to peer pressure from our ancestors. My values are what makes me hesitate, not my lack of them. Here's an easier way out - don't judge/hate/assume before you attempt to understand.

Capisce? 

Sedate in the knowledge that my parents and other near and dear ones are going to read this post, and, um, have things to say about it, here's me gearing up to respond to at least 20 concerned people saying, "ofcourse not! just trying to find a suitable guy! I was bored, so I turned to my blog, that's all!"

See you guys on the other side of 2020!